There be once a ship. She was called the Steely Dan. Cap’n Leroy Crunch be his name. Ay, he was a good, but had a fancy for plundering children. The ship be a delicious one. Avast he be the sweetest dog in the sea and used the navy dogs he had plundered as his crew. Some say he was constantly squiffy. Ayy, but not me. I found that he was more fond of cattle curl than rum. His method for killing was not the cat O’ nine tails, nor the cap’n’s sword, but the scallywag would take his dagger and cut up the gums of all. He once found himself at ropes end when he ventured into uncharrrrted waters the Capn’ hung his Jib. The ship be much more powerful than Cap’n Crunch’s blue Barkadeer. The Capn’ gathered his young matey’s and pretended that he didn’t give a ship, but he had to be strong for his hands.
“Ye must have courage in ye hearts for this battle!” He made the ship come about towards the Vassal. “Fire in the Hole!” he shouted and the battle began. Crunch Cannon balls flew towards the enemy vassal and they were quickly Crunchitised (Crushed under the capn’s might). “Ho! Victory be ours, lads!” The crew replied with a hearty “ARRrrr!” That night they parrrtied and and the lads began to have some grogs blossom. .
“We’ve won me Buckos! Oh the wenches will love our sweet bottoms!” But little did they know that they were cursed with an ancient omit, worse than the black spot. It was the curse of the dirty poop deck. As the Capn’ went to the loo to drain his hind quarters of filth, he happened to notice that the poop deck looked much filthier than usual, so he had his boys swab it. They swabbed it feverishly under the hot sun, but it always seemed dirtier than before. It was apparent to the Cap’n after a week that they had somehow been cursed. The Cap’n didn’t know what to do, but his first mate Tony had an idea.
“Arrrrg, Capn’ what if we were to clean the poop deck of the vassal that attacked us? I bet that be the cause of this wretched curse.”
And so they set sail for the area where the vassal was first spotted. The capn’s anxiety grew as they approached the area. His crew became hungry, and they had not much crunch left on the ship. Just as all hope seemed lost, they saw both the most horrific, and relieving sight they could see. The accursed ship itself. The Capn’ and Tony would climb aboard while the crew distracted them with an array of crunch balls. The ship moved closer as they volleyed crunches and cannons. The sound of crunching and screaming was overwhelming to the cap'n’ and Toni as they hurled themselves onto the enemy ship’s deck.
Tony was frightened and said, “I don’t feel so grrrrrrreat!” But the cap'n’ comforted him with his big, manly physique and they pressed onward. The ship was barren except for the the cap’n’s crunch balls falling about.
“Arr, there be some sort of foul magic about this place. Nobody is on board and yet it is able to attack us.” The Cap’n said. They wandered a little way until the cap’n halted suddenly. “AVAST! It be the poop deck!”
Tony stared at the filth in awe. The scum on the poop deck was piled several feet high and their cleaning utensils were scarce. The capn’ courageously hoisted himself upon the mass of scum and shoved a wad off while Toni threw it overboard. They repeated this process for what felt like hours before they got to the bottom and had to swab.. The bottom seemed to be much tougher stuff than what laid above it. They were not discouraged for they had swabbed poop decks for years before getting to their current rank.. At last it seemed that the poop deck had been swabbed and they returned to their battered ship covered with filth and the last thing the cap’n heard before passing out from his own stench was the usual greeting from his crew, “CRUNCHATIZE ME CAP’N!”
